It was recently brought to my attention that I was not as specific as I should have been recently about what I mean when I say I am inexperienced and well, for those of you reading… I’m sorry.
I will try to clarify now.
For this I would have to give a little bit of a back story so you may understand better. I will try and keep things as short as possible and only give crucial details.
When I was around 7 years old I met a guy.
Now before the internet goes bananas, this was nothing sexual. AT ALL. He was the son of my mothers ex-best friend (they no longer speak). When I was 8 me and my brother went to live with him and his mother. Now, my brother is only 4 years older than me and this guy and I were 7 years apart. I was 8 he was 15. Given the age gap between all three of us you would think we wouldn’t get along, but we did. All three of us got along great.
First few years of living together was awkward. I didn’t know these people and my mother was thousands of miles away. I only had my brother. Now I am mentioning this because Guy (we’ll call him Guy cause I can) is very important to this story.
Fast forward to freshman year of high school and puberty and all things icky and gross, in comes tumblr.!
I’ve always been a sexual person and well let’s be honest, what teenager hasn’t looked at porn? So, there I was scrolling through my dashboard when I see this girl naked. Mind you I was in my family room and my foster mother was right next to me, so I quickly scrolled past it and excused myself from the room. I went back and looked at the picture and open up profile after profile and just like how you search for one thing on YouTube and then end up looking at cats doing the macarena dance, I was on this submissive’s profile.
I don’t think they used their own pictures for privacy reasons but I couldnt stop reading about the stories she would write about her and her Master. I was so intrigued that everyday after school I would go on tumblr. just to see if she had written anything new.
So, little Mila in high school looking at porn after school. Great! The summer after freshman year I went to live with another person while my brother went to see his father that lived in NY. That’s when I first got a cellphone as we wanted to keep in touch and all of that. Now, Guy and I barely texted since we lived together, but after I left he started texting me more and more. Somehow I began to develop more intimate feelings towards Guy.
I should have known then right?
So, more turn of events I’m back in the same house. My brother has left to live in a different state so I was alone. Mind you, I was still checking the sub’s blog constantly. It was now just me and Guy, and of course his mother and grandmother, in the house. Somehow he ended up kissing me! I was feeling sad because I had just buried my pet ferret (RIP little guy) and I guess he felt bad. I’m not sure, but kissing there was! As you can probably guess things developed on from there for both of us and well I was naive and stupid and I really wanted to please him!
It all goes back to him!
While with him all I thought about was how the sub was with her Master. I wanted to do the same! Of course I was shy and always scared of Guy. He was older and new and none of my friends at school knew what went on at home. He was rough and I loved it. I used to joke around with Guy and used to call him Master just for fun, but he would get so mad at me for using that word that I suppressed my needs thinking it was wrong and shameful to feel this way. I had absolutely no limits when it came to him. He said jump and I didn’t even ask how high, I just jumped.
I cant really pin point exactly when I knew.
I did not know then why I wanted to please him so much. Sometimes I would say no, just to have him demand it from me. It didn’t even have to be anything sexual, it was anything he wanted from me!
After a while life got in the way and I did not have access to the internet, so this sub and her Master went to the end of my mind. And well Guy and I havent spoken in years! I then dated someone very vanilla.
I did not think about that blog while with this Fellow (yes, we are calling him Fellow). But it was just natural with him as well! It’s funny because recently I had a conversation with my mother and she told me how she thought I was submissive through that whole relationship. Oh if you only knew! It was not as intense as with Guy, but I wanted to please Fellow in every way. To me, that’s just normal! It has always been normal, that’s just how I always viewed relationships. And really not sure who my role models where since, I’ve had none…
So! Fellow and I broke up once I moved on out here. (Sometimes distance does not make the heart grow fonder.) So here I was, in a new place all by myself so I turned to my only love.
Oh, how I love you… I started reading more and more and somehow I ended up reading a BDSM book and what do you know, the sub from the blog came to mind. With her in mind, I opened up tumblr. again and it was like my world grew! There were so many kinks and fetishes and fantasies I didn’t know what to do with myself! It was different this time around. I wasn’t this naive 15 year old anymore. I was all grown up. Sex wasn’t as taboo anymore.
I was free.
More research led me to some dd/lg sites and then I was introduced to FetLife. The rest, as they say, is history. I learn every day about news things I like and don’t like and I love every minute of it!
With all of that being said I guess thats the background to my story and what lead me here!
Well, thats it for story time.